Women Are Told to Lift Heavy. But What Does “Heavy” Actually Mean?
If you’re a woman who strength trains—or even if you just follow fitness content online—you’ve probably heard the advice:
You need to lift heavy.
And I agree.
Strength training is one of the most important things women can do to maintain muscle, build strength and support long-term physical function.
But there’s a problem with the phrase lift heavy:
What exactly does “heavy” mean?
Does it mean you need to squat your bodyweight? Use the biggest dumbbells in the gym? Lift until you physically cannot complete another rep?
Not necessarily.
In fact, one of the biggest misconceptions I see is that “heavy” is a specific amount of weight.
It isn't.
Heavy is relative to you, the exercise you're performing, the number of repetitions you're doing and how difficult those repetitions actually feel.
And understanding that distinction can completely change the way you strength train.
The Weight on the Dumbbell Doesn't Tell the Whole Story
Imagine two women performing a goblet squat with a 30-pound dumbbell.
One finishes 10 repetitions and feels like she easily could have completed another 10.
The other finishes 10 repetitions and knows she probably had only two more good reps left.
They're lifting the exact same weight.
But they're getting very different training stimuli.
That's why simply telling women to “lift heavier” isn't particularly helpful.
Instead, we need a way to answer a much more useful question:
Is this weight challenging enough for me?
That's where RPE comes in.
What Is RPE?
RPE stands for Rate of Perceived Exertion. In strength training, I use it as a simple way to measure how difficult a set feels and approximately how many good repetitions you have left.
Think of it on a scale from 1–10.
An RPE of 10 means you couldn't perform another repetition with good form.
An RPE of 9 means you probably had about one repetition left.
An RPE of 8 means you had approximately two repetitions left.
An RPE of 7 means you had roughly three repetitions left.
For many of the strength exercises I program, an RPE around 7–9 is a useful training range.
That means the last few repetitions should feel challenging. You should need to focus. Your reps may start to slow down.
But you don't necessarily need to reach complete failure.
Research supports this distinction. Training all the way to muscular failure doesn't appear to be necessary for improving strength or building muscle. More recent research examining “repetitions in reserve” also suggests that getting closer to failure can be useful for muscle growth, while actually reaching failure isn't required.
The goal isn't to destroy yourself during every workout.
The goal is to create enough challenge that your body has a reason to adapt.
Here's What “Heavy Enough” Can Look Like
Let's say your program calls for:
3 sets of 8 goblet squats
You grab a 20-pound dumbbell.
You finish all eight reps and think:
I could easily have done another eight.
That's probably too light for the intended strength stimulus.
Next time, you try 30 pounds.
You finish eight reps and think:
I could probably do another three or four.
Now we're getting closer.
Eventually you use 35 pounds.
Rep seven is challenging. Rep eight is slow, but your technique stays solid. You feel like you could complete another one or two good repetitions if you absolutely had to.
That's heavy.
Not because 35 pounds is universally heavy.
It's heavy for you, for that exercise, for that rep range, on that day.
And that's an incredibly important concept for women to understand.
Do You Always Need to Use Low Reps and Really Heavy Weights?
No.
“Heavy lifting” has become almost synonymous with doing sets of three, five or six repetitions with very large loads.
Those rep ranges absolutely have a place—particularly when the primary goal is maximizing strength.
Research comparing resistance-training prescriptions has found that higher loads, including loads above roughly 80% of a person's one-repetition maximum, tend to produce the greatest improvements in maximal strength.
But here's where the conversation gets more interesting:
Building muscle doesn't require one specific rep range.
Research has found that a variety of resistance-training prescriptions can increase muscle size when the training stimulus is sufficient.
That means sets of 6 can work.
Sets of 8 can work.
Sets of 10 can work.
Sets of 12 can work.
Even lighter-load sets can stimulate muscle growth when they're appropriately challenging.
So rather than obsessing over whether a weight technically qualifies as “heavy,” I care much more about whether we're progressively challenging your muscles over time.
Why This Matters So Much for Women
Women are finally being encouraged to prioritize strength training.
That's a good thing.
But I don't want “lift heavy” to become another fitness rule women feel like they're failing to follow.
You don't need to walk into a gym and immediately start putting a barbell on your back.
You don't need to test your one-rep max.
And you don't need every workout to leave you completely exhausted.
What you do need is progressive resistance.
Over time, that might mean increasing the weight you're using.
But progression can also mean performing another repetition with the same weight, improving your technique, controlling the weight better, increasing your range of motion or moving from an easier variation of an exercise to a more challenging one.
And eventually, something that once felt heavy won't anymore.
That's the point.
The 10-Pound Dumbbell Problem
There is one pattern I see frequently, especially among women who are newer to strength training:
They underestimate how strong they actually are.
Maybe they've been using the same pair of 10- or 15-pound dumbbells for months—or years.
They complete their prescribed repetitions comfortably and stop simply because the program said “10 reps.”
But the tenth repetition wasn't actually difficult.
If you finish a set of 10 and could comfortably perform another 10 repetitions, your body probably isn't receiving the same stimulus it would if those final few repetitions actually required effort.
This doesn't mean you need to make a huge jump in weight.
It means you should start paying attention to how the set feels, rather than only whether you completed it.
Ask yourself:
How many more good reps could I have done?
That one question can dramatically improve the quality of your strength training.
Some Days “Heavy” Will Be Different
This is another reason I like using RPE rather than prescribing exercise solely by weight.
Your strength isn't identical every day.
Sleep, stress, nutrition, your menstrual cycle, illness, recovery and simply having a demanding week can all affect how you perform.
Maybe last week you used 40 pounds for an exercise at an RPE 7.
Today that same 40 pounds feels like an RPE 9.
That doesn't mean you suddenly became weaker.
It means we're adjusting training based on the person standing in front of us today.
This is especially important for women navigating busy careers, motherhood, changing hormones or simply real life.
A good training program should have structure.
But it also needs enough flexibility to account for the human being doing it.
So, Are You Actually Lifting Heavy Enough?
The next time you strength train, don't immediately look at the number printed on the dumbbell.
Pay attention to the last few repetitions of your set.
Ask yourself:
Could I have done 10 more reps?
Probably too light.
Could I have done another 4–5?
You may have room to increase the challenge depending on the goal of the exercise.
Could I have completed another 1–3 good reps?
You're likely working at a meaningful intensity.
Could I not perform another repetition without your form breaking down?
You've reached or come very close to failure—and you don't need to train there all the time.
Learning to recognize these differences is a skill.
And like anything else in strength training, you get better at it with practice.
Strength Training Shouldn't Be Guesswork
This is one of the reasons I incorporate RPE into my programming.
I can prescribe the exercises, sets and repetitions, but your RPE tells us something the spreadsheet alone can't:
Was the weight actually challenging enough?
Tracking that information over time helps us determine when you're ready to increase the load, when an exercise needs to progress and when it makes sense to stay exactly where you are.
Because effective strength training isn't about chasing the heaviest weight possible.
It's about applying the right amount of challenge consistently enough to create change.
And that is what lifting heavy really means.
If you've been strength training but aren't sure whether you're doing enough to actually get stronger, I can help take the guesswork out of it.
I offer one-on-one private strength training as well as individualized online programming for women who want a structured plan built around their goals, experience and life.
With online programming, your workouts include your exercises, sets, reps and RPE targets so we can track not just what you're lifting—but whether you're training at the intensity you need to make progress.
Ready to train with a plan instead of guessing?
Whether you’re looking for one-on-one strength training in Middleton, MA or individualized online programming you can do anywhere, I’ll help you build a plan that challenges you appropriately and progresses as you get stronger.